Bugs and I have a largely innocuous relationship, although I am stereotypically squeamish around many of them. They go about their assigned and perfected jobs in the ecosystem, staying outside my radar until I scratch a mosquito bite, step in an ant mound, or clear a splat from my Florida windshield. More…
The NAACP on the heels of President Barack Obama’s endorsement of same-sex marriage reiterated its stand that gay rights, including the right to marry, are in fact civil rights.
“It’s the responsibility and history of the NAACP to speak up on the civil rights issues of our times, ” NAACP President Benjamin Jealous believes. “The NAACP now firmly opposes all efforts to restrict marriage equality.”
Yet many black pastors who believe the Bible denounces slavery, segregation and inequality for women, also believe the Bible condemns homosexual behavior as sinful and an abomination.
And here we are. The moment of impact.
I recently heard this phrase through the thoughts of a main character in the movie Ordinary Family. The moment of impact when two events collide, when there’s no turning back from what occurred and the only decision is how you will deal with what you now know.
In the movie Seth introduces his long-time committed partner William to his family when he shows up for their annual summer reunion at the lake house. Seth’s casual, unapologetic surprise introduction of his committed partner announces he’s gay by association rather than by confession. Thomas, Seth’s brother, an evangelical minister, strongly resents being sideswiped by the revelation, particularly after he learns his wife knew about William for weeks.
The elephant in the room during dinner the first night forces Thomas, an agreeable and loving guy, to face what he always suspected but never acknowledged. Near the end of the meal he sends his kids away from the table after William makes an inappropriate yet clearly-over-a-kid’s head sexual comment about what attracted him to Seth. Thomas storms off and announces to his wife Mattie, who finds his tantrum unacceptable, that he has the right to shield their kids from the issue. The tension between the two brothers and the gap between how Mattie and Thomas view Seth’s homosexuality inform the rest of the movie.
Initially I was just as disgusted with Thomas’s reaction to Seth as Seth. Deeper into the movie however, I saw Thomas’s anger move into confusion and eventually despair as the conflict between his deep religious convictions and his rooted love for his brother became all-consuming.
In one scene Thomas works up courage (nudged by his wife Mattie) to apologize to his brother for his outburst. Seth, seething from decades of pent-up anger from Thomas’s and their deceased father’s implied disapproval of homosexuality, remains emotionally distant despite Thomas’s repeated attempts to explain his conflicted feelings. Our sympathy shifts when Seth stops being the victim and becomes the judgmental and self-righteous brother.
The brother’s impasse interferes with their reconciliation until the end of the movie when Thomas and Seth, prompted by gentle explanations from Mattie about each brother’s viewpoint, gradually accept each other to the degree they can — which is to say, imperfectly.
Seth begins to understand that Thomas’s refusal to accept his homosexuality isn’t a rejection of him but an irrepressible obedience to the Word of God. Thomas gradually accepts that Seth’s attraction to the same sex isn’t a hostile denouncement of religion or God, but an acceptance of himself in totality — and therefore a rejection of any view in contrast to his self-acceptance.
“As a faith leader; I am always going to be somewhat offended when you ask me to change, or go against, the tenets of my faith.” Said Pastor Frank Thompson. (“Black pastors split: Gay rights as civil rights?” Orlando Sentinel. May 31,2012)
We see Thomas as tortured, grappling to reconcile his oath to God with his love for Seth who when they were younger, used to sing next to Thomas at church choir functions.
“What I hear is gay rights is “Ok, I want to be treated fairly, but I want to be able to engage in sexual behavior that is contrary to what the Bible says,’ said Pastor Beverly Brown, executive director of Redeeming Light Center in Eatonville.
And…… I’m back.
I read “Because the Bible tells me so” rhetoric, religious directives given at the expense of the psyche of our gay and lesbian citizens and I’m arm-crossing.
Brown’s words remind me of the clear line in the sand between people who accept homosexuals because they understand by common sense, compassion, indifference or scientific finding that sexual orientation results from how we are born, like having blue eyes — and people who “accept” homosexuals with soul-breaking caveats, that is as “All God’s Children” who simply need to repent.
I chronically come to and move away from the negotiation table on this issue, trying to empathize with Thomas’s (admittedly) enviable devotion and blind passion for God. Yet, I’m incensed that the Golden Rule doesn’t reign supreme as the decisive factor for civil rights. I’m disgusted that the religious message of love for the “weakest among us” remains a decorated frilly cover to hide ungracious beliefs.
The evangelical view of the homosexual population (largely) houses inhospitable and hypocritical attitudes, e.g. being gay or lesbian is an “abomination” but — Jesus loves you. To get full acceptance simply ask for forgiveness for who you are.
Peel off your identity. Try it, you’ll like it because God will help you in process. Once done, you’ll be whole. And the reason you can do this? Because you chose the abomination and so of course you can un-chose it.
When a person decides to un-chose their heterosexuality, let me know.
How about God come to the table and change who He is, that is — accept that he made some people heterosexual and some homosexual, as he made some with blue eyes, some with brown, some with physical handicaps, some without.
When we ask the conservative religious right to allow gay marriage we’re not demanding they put their blessing on “destroying marriage.” A straight couple doesn’t suddenly wake up and devalue their own marriage because now “anyone” can get one. Marriage isn’t a monetary system where we have to worry about printing too many licences for couples and thus creating worthless paper. Marriage isn’t the Dotcom era, it will never be a Gold Rush. It’s still an institution chosen largely by people who are loving, committed couples.
The sanctity of marriage isn’t threatened by same-sex couples tying the knot. Should it be so easy to blame the mess heterosexuals have made of their own marriage statistics. A marriage stands or crumbles on its own strength and flaws, the result of the degree of love, respect, fidelity, commitment and hard work between two parties regardless of what kind of couple makes the covenant.
“I do believe they [NAACP] are right that it is a civil-rights issue and not a religious issue,” said Rev. Randolph Bracy Jr., former NAACP branch president and pastor of New Covenant Baptist Church of Orlando. “I believe that Jesus came to deal with those who are disaffected, those who have been disenfranchised, who have been disinherited. Jesus gave us a mandate to deal with ‘the least of these’. They gays are the least of these.”
I think every divisive issue houses at least some compromise, but this impasse within the black community on gay marriage is an insurmountable blockade created by what I think is a permanent gap between the interpretive and literalist view in religion.
Those of us who feel the Bible is an interpretive guide to steer our innate sense of the world are faced with thinking through infinite permutations on the intent behind the Word. The resulting cognitive dissonance can be enormously unsettling when what we feel doesn’t jive with what’s written. Yet, not only do I accept the dissonance, I welcome it as a reminder of the sentient, reasoned being I am allowed to be.
I can, thank God, think and reason for myself.
Thomas knew he loved his brother. He saw Seth wildly happy. He saw how William loved and was loyal and protective of Seth. Thomas saw his wife was emotionally unencumbered by this knowledge despite being the wife of an evangelical pastor. Thomas saw his kids laugh often and easily with Seth and William. Thomas saw love unimpeded by happenchance sexual orientation and asked God with earnest longing what to do.
If the answer wasn’t hiding inside compassion for his brother, then the answer was in simple algebra: Brother happy + no one hurt = it’s fine.
“Gay rights are unequivocally civil rights because they are about human beings living in a civil society and their basic fundamental rights,” said the Rev. Bryan Fulwider, senior minister of First Congregational Church of Winter Park.
And there’s my moment of impact.
In the process of deciding what God is for us, whether it’s an unwavering faith to the literal Word of God or we’re drawn to a metaphysical sense of the universe — to the power behind a loving unseen force, no one has the right to deny civil rights to their fellow man unless they’re willing to deny themselves the same right.
